i don't like sucking hair
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Randomize
