So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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