Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
