I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
