____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
accomplished twins. life is a go
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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