dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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