I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
