Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
