Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
