Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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