PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
