apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
