i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
