He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
