just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
