I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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