If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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