Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize