dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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