She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
