His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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