he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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