I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
