I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
