My hand turned me down
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i think i have herpe
just one?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How does one acquire holy water?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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