First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
