Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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