I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
