I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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