My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
