I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
