Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
