I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
