whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
