there's paper in my vomit.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
