Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
