My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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