I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
