DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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