we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
