Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
