May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I look better un-naked...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
