You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
