let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
