A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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