Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
