She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
