..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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