His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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