It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
