ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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