the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
