remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
