Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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