It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize