Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
