i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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