Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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