I heard we made out
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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