when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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