Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
