You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
