the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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