She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize